Red-headed Woodpeckers in The State of The Red-headed Stranger?

Oh God. I am recovering from a marauding pirate party in the Richmond district last night......I have never pictured myself spending so much time in Irish bars, or with so many Irish girls, for that matter. I am better suited to dealing with Mexicans, Germans and French "Canadiennes"......and the odd Japanese man. I do not recommend wearing an eye patch after several hours of drinking, it severly limits your depth perception and can turn your shortest migration (i.e. reaching over for your beer) into an environmental catastrophe (i.e. you spill your beer).

Fortunately, to combat this sad state of affairs I have purchased plane tickets for a trip to Texas in September......hopefully I'll catch a few birds that Ive avoided seeing up to now. Some are relatively common (Boat-tailed Grackle), some will be obscure (Acadian Flycatcher), and some will be face-melting (Chuck-will's-widow) if I get a chance to see them. I look forward to it.....most of my birding trips in the last few years have been confined to short-distance post-breeding events.....or wandering aimlessly after failing to find a mate in spring.....or maybe the truth is somewhere in between.

Red-headed woodpeckers could possibly stop my heart. My days may be limited.

Over the years a few of my non-birding colleagues have grown accustomed to my obsessive need to stare at birds, and I dare say even enjoy looking at birds on some twisted level. I will have a couple of these companions with me, who will provide me invaluable wisdom and advice, and consult me on issues that need to be consulted on. They are both Specialists and Professionals in their respective fields and have a depth of experience with heartbreaking birds like the Roseate Spoonbill.



The Grub, after a confrontation regarding the negative impacts of longlining tuna became violent.



ASOC keeping it real. Very real.

Ive been slowly getting into Elvis Costello lately, and I recommend it. Good stuff, despite his hatred of punk rock.

Shallow, At Best

"You cannot escape your destiny." - Darth Vader

Today I found another birding related blog (yes.....there is apparently more than one) that claimed it existed "To show the world that you can be a birder without being a geek." I can sympathize with this statement, but......

This is wrong.

Birding is one of the nerdiest activities invented since the word "activities" was invented. It doesnt get much worse unless you spend your free time solving complicated math equations or locked in a dark basement playing D&D, or some other soul-killing bullshit. If you think you can be involved with this with any air of cool, youre wrong. Birdwatching is about as chic as snorting rock salt. I dont care if youre looking at albatross of the deck of a fucking aircraft carrier, it is what it is.

I am not about to launch into some massive screed about the dozens off ways in which birders publicly embarass themselves...........no, it is simply too much. I will say this however........if you have any stereotypes and preconceived notions about birdwatchers.......I can tell you now, they are all true.

Very are rarely stereotypes 100% accurate.....but I will address a few basic ones, for your edification.

1) Birders are old as hell: True. Plain and simple.

2) Birds have ridiculous names that make people who talk about them sound like idiots: True. "OOOH! Look! A Yellow-bellied Sapscuker! Its on that maple tree below the Great-crested Flycatcher!".

3) Birders dress funny: Good god yes. Khaki, vests, floppy hats, pockets all over the place, weird accessories you cannot even begin to imagine.

4) Birdwatchers are straight-laced, law-abiding people: Yes. My grandmother is a birdwatcher, and I like it that way.

5) Birders are NERDS: Push those glasses up your nose, most birdwatchers I know have crippling pyschological and social problems and cannot keep up with mainstream society. They occasionally attempt some pretense of normalcy but this layer is usually shallow, at best.

What the author of the other blog fails to realize is that she must embrace her embarassing way of life. Do not fight it, for you will fail. I have come to be at peace with my odd habits. Its ok. I am a RAGING NERD, but that is not a problem. I think thats why women are attracted to me, which works out fine for everyone. A woman who would rather show flank to some walking toolshed bro is not the woman for me.

Admittedly, I have been accused of being "cool" and even "an intimidating hipster", but these characterizations are false. Thats like calling a Ruby-throated Hummingbird a Lucifer's Hummingbird. It is a gross misidentification. That doesnt mean thats its not way more fun than marathon sessions on the playstation, eating veal, listening to Avenged Sevenfold, getting way too stoned and watching some terrible movie from the eighties while gobbling your roommate's MilkDuds, or even masturbating. Because it is. Its acutally way more fun than doing all those things at once, even if you think any of those things are a good idea*.

Its just a little embarassing, thats all.

*That last activity is not actually a bad idea.

MISSION STATEMENT

Hello there!

Welcome to my blog. I have been blogging for about 4 years or so now, in a variety of capacities......you have the drunken college student, the jaded liberal, the music nerd, the gossip, the malcontent....and, occasionally, someone who writes for the sake of writings sake.

When I first started blogging, an (in)famous ex-girlfriend of mine, who had the brutal capacity of constantly speaking her sharpened mind, mentioned to me that I actually have the capacity to occasionally get in a groove and write something worth reading once in a while......about that time, I was incredibly obsessed with Hunter S. Thompson and couldnt help but get influenced by all the crazy shit he would write. An important distinction about Hunter was that not only did he write like a champion, he lived like one, as evidenced by numerous documentaries that have been made about him.

Anyways, Im losing focus here. The ex-girlfriend, knowing my strange obsession with birds, proclaimed "You should be like the Hunter S. Thompson of birds. You could show up at some rare bird wasted and slurring and chainsmoking, write about it and get paid for all of it."

I thought about that idea for a second, but didnt really see how I could seriously make a living off that. Birdwatchers are not exactly known for partying or dealing with off-color humor or having a strong sense for the absurd.....they are more known for having crippling psychological issues and social problems. Trust me, I know.

Although I never really took the thought seriously, there's no reason not to do it for the sake of doing it. I mean, its not like I go out birding with a head full of acid (although I know of a few people much more respected than I who have....), but writing about it from an angle that people just dont write about it is an attractive notion. Pete Dunne is a good writer, but any publication he gets in makes him pander more to octogenarians than anyone who is in.....um...."breeding condition". All part of the brutal ageism that I must battle here.

I dont write about this kind of thing in any other forum......so why not?


A quick background for the uninitiated:

- I have been birding since I have been 12. I am currently 26.

- The only employment Ive ever had has been in the capacity of a wildlife biologist.

- I think birdwatchers are generally ridiculous (myself included) and sometimes amazing people that are worth taking a closer look at.

Alright. Gratuitous bird picture above. This is a male White-eared Hummingbird in Miller Canyon, AZ, back in May....probably the first one seen in the United States this year. The illustrious biologist who we will call "Stilt" spotted it. Truly facemelting.

Anyways.....you get the idea here. Its all an exercise in nerdiness.......but possibly fun nonetheless.

How embarrassing.