Birders As Art XI: Sometimes Good Guys Don't Wear White

As everyone knows, there is nothing quite like the fashion sense of birders. We are stylish. We are chic. We are the Fashion Police. No other subculture looks quite as good as we do, which helps explain the rampant sexual promiscuity of birders and why so many of us are absolutely riddled with STDs.

Pelagic trips are widely-considered to be the fashion shows of birding; red carpet events that are usually well-attended, often by multiple A-list celebrity birders, such as Yours Truly. You often see some real edgy stuff on these trips...and it's not the birds that I am talking about. I was impressed the other day by a dude rocking two different pairs of binoculars...and then this vexing photo just kind of fell into my lap. Now the birderscape will never be the same.

I wasn't on this trip so I can't fill in too many details about what exactly is going on here, but I think the photo speaks for itself. I have no idea who this person is, and while I think it is quite likely we are dealing with a male, I'm not entirely sure. It is quite possible that no one on the boat ever found out who he was, with his facial features and identity known to no one. This may have been how he got on the boat, and how he got off. There is one thing that I am sure of here...his kind has never been seen before, and may never be seen again.

Why? That is the question we are forced to ask ourselves. Why the disguise? Why is he all in white? Why is this so obviously cringe-worthy, but leaves us wanting more? And why does he have a spotting scope? No one uses spotting scopes on pelagic trips; they are practically useless. Had this person never been on a pelagic before and come overprepared? Was he trying not to catch Ebola? And how many different white garments are actually involved here? It is impossible to say.

Honestly, if this person suffers from Polymorphous Light Eruption or some other solar-powered syndrome, this would all make sense, but knowing the tendency of birders to dress to the next level, I find this affliction highly unlikely. Pretty sure it's just High Fashion...actually, make that High Art. Thanks to "Rick James" for the photo, and for helping us to continue to press the fact that birders are treasures; indeed, living works of Art.

Birders As Art X: Bird Police

Birding. Is there anything more difficult? Isn't birding hard? Fortunately for you and me, we have the Bird Police. They Protect. They Serve. They are out patrolling vagrant traps all over North America, ensuring folks are identifying birds properly. I recently had the opportunity to document Officer Searcy carrying out a search warrant on a hapless birder who claimed that he photographed a very rare bird.

I know what you are thinking: "Haha. Very funny Seagull. We love you for your clever bullshit."

No. Do you think this is a fucking joke? Officer Searcy had no idea who this other birder was and indeed exercised The Long Arm of The Birding Law. After the birder suspect mentioned getting photographs of an alleged rare bird, Officer Searcy confiscated the birder's camera to review his photos. The detained birder was ultimately unable to produce any evidence of his fantastic claims of a rare bird, and Justice was served. It was a beautiful moment, and I am grateful to have been lucky enough to bear witness.

Feel free to go to the Human Birdwatcher Project's page for the nine (9) other installments of Birders As Art.

The Human Birdwatcher Project Presents: Birders As Art IX

It is one thing to drive hours to see a rare bird. That, in and of itself, is funny and strange, not to mention frowned upon in some circles. However, it is something else to actually break into a sprint in order to see a rarity. The person disappearing behind the tree line is clearly in good shape from running after many rare birds; that is why he is in front of the pack.

Billowing, puffy jackets add a sense of drama to any photograph. Also note the Chacos: an unusual choice for locomoting at such high speeds.

In fact, it is a good thing the jacket has such wind resistance...at the speed this birder was moving, if not for the jacket acting as an air brake, he would have been unable to make the turn in time and ran straight into the fence. Being impaled on a fence, like some overgrown shrike victim, is not a good way to see a Common Cuckoo.

Birders As Art VIII

Entering Ebird data in the field is really, really hard.

Birders As Art VII

Alexis Jarvio Rodriguez, the unofficial mayor of Chavarrillo, Mexico, poses with a Roadside Hawk in his living room. That was a weird night.

The Human Birdwatcher Project Presents: Birders As Art VI

Lizzzzzard, Felonious Jive and some flashy marine debris at Midway Atoll.

Birders As Art V

It's been a long time since we've had an entry here in the vaunted Birders As Art series, so I thought it would be time to revisit it.  We are in the midst of a much-ballyhooed Blog Surge after all.

Meet Alex, or as he prefers to be called, "Scar".  Alex was with me on Buldir Island for the entire summer.  Young Alex (who also prefers to be called "Arex") learned much about how blindingly dorky birdwatchers can be, and did everything he could to perpetuate the stereotypes.  Here you can see he is wearing matching field clothes, has a camera with telephoto lens (which he referred to as his "big gun"), and has some sort of ninja mask on. For reasons I don't understand, he is also wearing binoculars, a camera case, a backpack, maybe an ipod (playing nothing but bird calls, I assure you) and God knows what else....which seems inconvenient to me (I enjoy putting stuff down, personally), but goes along with the birder instinct of wearing tons and tons of accessories and accoutrements. Excellent. A classic, stunning example of the obsessed birder.

Birders As Art IV

I had to bring this out from The Vault, it's a classic.  Zachbuddy is dressed as a spoonbill, carrying out the eponymous act on an incapacitated Chutter.  After that night....things were never quite the same.

Birders As Art III

Yeah, I'm pulling this one straight outta The Vault.  This was probably taken in 2006, the year of Matt Deshazo's Spring Break and the heyday of The Ashtray.  Those who don't know what these things mean need not know, but understand that there are some times in a person's life where if they could go back and do it all over again....they wouldn't change a thing.  For good or ill.


So here we have Allicat and the one formerly known as "Pumpkin", both of which are showing nicely here in alternate plumage.  They are at Big Lagoon in Humboldt County, looking at god-knows-what.  Maybe a Great Egret or something.  They are using my ancient Nikon scope, which served me well for many years, but was ultimately not up for doing the outstanding things my Zeiss can do for me (to me????)....I think if the Nikon was used now, people would label me as some sort of bizarre "retro" birder....but I digress.


Alli stands on the left.  Note headband, digital camera hanging casually on her arm, and fresh plumage, all with an air of casual effortlessness.  Kind of like a heron, of some sort.  She is playing the roll of the chic, smoking hot, young female birder, which frankly.....is rare.  I say that without shame because lets face it, I'm certainly no catch (although my colleague Felonious Jive is quite dapper), but who really cares?  Pumpkin, on the right, was lacking binoculars at the moment, and so must gaze determinedly into the haze (the future?) in order to sort the scaup and scoters for any vagrant sea ducks.  Here she plays the roll of the edgy, fashionable, maybe even gender-bending bird enthusiast.  What is she into?  Dudes?  Chicks?  Ptarmigans?  Its just so hard to say......not that there is anything wrong with that.  Defining characteristics are weird hair, huge obnoxious sunglasses, studded belt....which is actually kind of subdued for her.  Maybe she is molting.  At any rate, this is an extremely rare sort of birder....they do exist, but you can never count on seeing one.....their is a pattern of occurrence on the west coast, however.


Remember people, birding is supposed to be FUN, you don't all have to dress like you are footsoldiers of the new nerd army.  God, wait 'til you see some of the Bizarro Birding Day pictures from last year.....

Birders As Art II

This is my colleague Dan.  He is holding a Tufted Flycatcher and giving the bird.  I feel it is important to know he is giving, you, the viewer the bird.....not the bird the bird.  Follow?  Frankly, this is an incredible photo, and I wish I could give some credit to the photographer but I don't know who it is.

Note than Dan is not overburdened with ridiculous-looking field gear and almost resembles a normal human being.  He believes, like some other deluded individuals,  that birding is not inherently nerdy, but we all know that he is Wrong.  Dan also uses Zeiss binoculars, a quality selection popular with the old school of birders.

Dan and I have a history with Tufted Flycatchers....we searched for one in the Chiricahua Mountains of southeast Arizona a few years ago and I was lucky enough to find the bird and get to spend some quality time with it.  Dan, like most everyone else who was there, was not.  But now he is living and working at the El Cielo Biosphere Reserve in Mexico, and is probably up to his knees in them.  Although I've only seen one, I highly recommend finding one.  It's quite invigorating.

Birders As Art

ASOC and Sugar at the North Jetty of Humboldt Bay, CA. February 8, 2009.

You've all heard of Arthur Morris, one of the best bird photographers in the country.  His shots make anything you see on here look like the deformed progeny of something his throwaway photos did on accident.  But that's ok....I work with what I've got.  Anyhow, he copyrights all of his shots under Birds As Art, and it got me thinking......what about the birders?  I mean, we're a pretty interesting looking group, and I've looked in the mirror a couple times.  I've met some bizarre looking birdwatchers in my day, and even a few attractive ones.  After taking the above photo, it dawned on me, why not document some of the birders I meet in my travels?  So let this be the birth of Birders As Art.  BB&B is proud to be hosting this new, cutting-edge art project, and hopes Birders As Art will call this website home for many years to come.

This is ASOC, an image specialist (see his work here), with Sugar.  Note the gigantic, bulky jacket that indicates that he is either: in a gang, wants to be in  gang, really fat, or perhaps extremely cold.  I like how Sugar contrasts with just about everything else in the photo, which I would like to point out is NOT posed at all.

Switching gears entirely here, I am going to state an obvious fact: the news is fucking depressing.  You don't have to be particularly savvy to know what we are dealing with; two wars that have been going on for most of the decade, climate change inaction, climate change denial, health care "reform" (or nothing at all), corporate personhood, a bogus wall of  fear and racism being built on the Mexican border (which could prove to be the downfall of a whole host of wildlife), The Tea Party, Sara Palin, Fox News and last but not least a poor economy.

Then there's the fact that the news itself is a circus of bullshit that makes a mockery of the word "journalism".  I know this is a familiar problem to both you and me, but I am still astounded at people's profound ignorance about the shit that pundits, politicians and corporations do every day, as a matter of policy.  It's all I can do to avoid spiraling into a state of catatonic depression.....but a sad state of affairs is nothing new, and neither is the self-defeating assumption that we can't do anything about it.  That is what these assholes want us to think, of course.

Ok.  A couple birds from Humboldt County on the next post.  Do what you think is best.