Friday, December 11, 2009

A Shroud Of Expensive Optics And Denial: An Update From The Human Birdwatcher Project

Hey there! We here at the Human Birdwatcher Project just wanted to stop by BB&B for a quick holiday greeting, and to get you up to date on all of our current research.

First of all, just a quick update on our mission and general purpose in this prolonged, embarrassing rectal exam that we all call "life". The Human Birdwatcher Project's primary goal is to prove to the world that birdwatchers do have some humanity, and we are not all bad. One of the possible mottos we may be using next here is "People Who Watch Birds Are People Too." Catchy, am I right? A line like that is sure to help rake in the big bucks to fund our research.

A few ongoing projects:

*The HBP Interviews are expected to continue indefinitely. The next likely candidate is a Doctor Lee Vining, an expert on birdwatchers.

*In order to discover more about birdwatchers and biologists alike, HBP is funding intrepid explorer and great ornithologist Felonious Jive to go and live amongst them. Felonious is currently becoming aggravated with finding his next assignment but is confident that he will land something soon.

*Steroids. HBP has procured a massive stockpile of human growth hormone and a number of other illicit drugs to create an army of beastly uberbirders.

*HBP is throwing its support behind the second LOINS publication, which is currently in a state of pre-production. This zine is likely to change the course of history, bridging the gap between self-confessed bird-nerds and the granola-dorks who wrap themselves in a shroud of expensive optics and denial.

It's hard to believe its the middle of December already. Most birds have settled into their winter homes, and many vagrant-crazy birders have significantly lower adrenaline and testosterone levels than they had back in October. At the moment, HBP's resources are currently being utilized to figure out what Felonious' mother would want as a Christmas present. Since she has no interest in anything at all beyond Korean movies and soap operas (of which she claims she has seen all of them), a meaningful gift is just baffling at this point.

In another holiday related note, we here at HBP just want to send our love out to all of our friends, colleagues, and's great to be amongst family again.

1 comment:

  1. let's stop talking about birding and go.....sunrise the 18th...