Monday, March 15, 2010

Consequently, I've Been Drinking Nearly Every Day

In barely related, really-stretching-it bird news, I want to mention vajazzling.  Yeah, vajazzling.  It's like bedazzling.....except with....hey, wait a minute.  Don't tell me you don't know what bedazzling is.  You don't?  Sheesh.  Um, its basically taking any object (jacket, purse, eye patch, etc), and encrusting it with little rhinestoney-crystal thingeys for some kind of backwards, childish, white-trash artistic purposes.  The tool to wield in this process is the bedazzler (as seen on tv).  Its kitschy, tacky, and generally only appeals to people with a strong sense of irony.

Ok.  So now you know all about be ins and outs of bedazzling....what do you think vajazzling is?  Yeah, you guessed it....its basically just bedazzling your vaginal region.  Why one would do this, I don't know.  I really don't.  I mean, first there's the waxing, then the gluing.....then I can only imagine a lot (A LOT) of chafing.  This phenomenon all first came to light, apparently, when Jennifer Love Hewitt mentioned it in some otherwise inane interview a while back.  Now the vajazzling tide is about to come in, and we must hold on to our hats.

You are thinking by now, "This sounds incredibly expensive, pointless, stupid, and not sexy.....yet I am intrigued".  Well, yeah, but this line of thought is delaying the next logical question, which is "What the hell does this have to do with birds?".  Well, I will tell you......the same company that makes untold millions off selling top-of-the-line optics to little blue-haired ladies and birders around the world is the very same company that is the backbone of the vajazzling movement.  Ladies and gentlemen, I give you.........Swarovski!!!!  To get a bona fide vajazzle  job, you get nothing less than Swarovski crystals attached to your netherlands.  So next time you look through your pair of ELs, know that some of that same fine glassware you are looking through is being attached to the crotchal region of wannabe celebrities all over Beverly Hills.  Whether you think that kicks ass, or is completely repulsive, is of course up to you.

Find out more about vajazzling here: pictures are suitable for work if you work someplace awesome.  Thanks to Fiercekitty for the link, and good luck with obtaining some of that fine European glass.

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