Birding And Butthurt: Til Death Do Us Part

This is a Great Frigatebird. It knows not of the insignificant trials and tribulations that plague the average birder. We should view it with not only awe, but envy. Photographed at Midway Atoll.

Butthurt. We all know what this means, and if we don't, let me help you. It's a frustrating, immature and stupid thing to experience, and a frustrating, immature and stupid thing to be exposed to. I've experienced the 'hurt in all manner of social situations, and if you are one of the lucky birders who actually gets to experience a social situation occasionally, you certainly have too. It can be a funny thing to watch, usually when the butthurt is not directed at you though.

What has always amazed me is how prevalent butthurt is among birders. Birders can be so goddamn sensitive and entitled...it's a horrible combination. The apparent lack of emotional maturity displayed by all ages is staggering. And hey, I'll be the first one to admit that I am no exception. Yes, I too, your #7 U.S. birder, have descended into a dismal and embarrassing state of butthurt...but these days it doesn't happen very often. They say that time heals all wounds, but it is wisdom that heals all butthurt. Like the frigatebird rides the thermals to soar majestically high above the chaos of terrestrial life, I have elevated myself above the nerdy and chronically butthurt masses...and let me tell you, it's not very crowded up here.

Today, as a gut check for the birding community, I offer you the top 25* ways that birders get butthurt. Enjoy, or get really, um...sore about it. Your call.

1. When an eBird reviewer questions your observation
2. When anyone questions your observation
3. When someone surpasses your personal list for a select region
4. When someone surpasses your personal year list record for a select region
5. When other birders suppress information about a rarity
6. When a beginner/photographer is advised to buy a field guide
7. When you miss seeing a bird on a pelagic trip
8. When someone flushes a rarity that you are watching (this is highly forgivable though)
9. When Birder X finds out Birder Y is appointed as a leader on a pelagic trip and Birder X thinks they are the better birder and should be a leader instead
10. When the Bird Police reject a record you submitted
11. When everyone thinks a rare bird is escaped/ship assisted and you don't
12. When you are looking at a bird and someone gets in your way
13. When you are photographing a bird and someone gets in your way
14. When you bait a raptor and people get pissed at you
15. When you want to get in and bird a place but they are not open yet
16. When you don't get enough attention on a guided trip
17. When birders complain about using playback and you use it all the time
18. When experienced birders discuss problems with birding/birders and you think they are being elitist
19. When everyone is using eBird, you don't and you feel left out and confused
20. When someone has a rare bird in their yard and they won't let you see it
21. When someone spots a rare bird before you do
22. When you are debating something about birding with someone who uses science to back their views and you know nothing about science
23. When you are leading a trip and someone apparently better at bird ID than you disagrees with your identification of a particular bird
24. When you come across birders who surprisingly seem to be integrated in to the rest of society
25. When someone you don't know on the internet proudly proclaims that he is the #7 U.S. birder, and you suspect your Global Birder Ranking System rank is considerably lower

Of course, there are hundreds of other ways birders can get butthurt! Feel free to add to the list in the comments. Remember, next time you feel your blood boiling over some petty bullshit, chill the fuck back. No one cares. Drink a beer or three, and come ride the mellow thermals with me and the frigatebirds.

Yours truly,

Seagull Steve
#7 U.S. Birder

* = This isn't in order, so don't let that bother you. Everything is going to be ok.