Are You There God? It's Me, Mountain Chickadee.

Hello humans. It's me, Mountain Chickadee. How are you? What are you doing this weekend?

As for me...I'm just going to hang out in this forest. Hopefully it won't burn down. That would be bullshit. I've met a lot of other chickadees the last few days that have come from other places, they say everything is on fire. You people and your decades of idiotic fire suppression did this to us. And now, you people can't even put out a fucking camp fire. You make me sick.

Not all of you of course. I'm not angry, I'm a chickadee. I don't really dwell on emotions for very long, life is too short! Literally. I'm 3 years old and that's like middle age for a chickadee. A hawk can come eat me any day. I've noticed a lot more Sharp-shinned and Cooper's Hawks around recently, which is worrisome. A lot of them are juveniles though, and there is no freaking way they can get anywhere close to me. I'm pretty smart for my size.

While I'm out in the woods eating bugs and seeds, you people are probably doing some ridiculous shit. Getting drunk? What's that? I don't even know what it means. And sex? You're always trying to mate on the weekends. Why? We mate a couple months a year and that's good enough for us chickadees. Humans don't even lay eggs. What's with that?

Sorry about all the questions. Us chickadees, as you may know, are quite curious.

Ok people. I'm going to go crawl into a hole and sleep for the night. I hope you all have a good weekend and say hello to a chickadee. We are all very friendly.

Cheeseburger-cheeseburger-cheeseburger.....

- Mountain Chickadee