"I'm Pretty Fucked Up Right Now, I Think I'm Going Home"

I'm sitting in the dining room sweating profusely, for no apparent reason at all. I can see a rainstorm working its way up the island, and the air is still and filled with water. It's like a sauna. Kind of intense.....my kind of weather.

I'm winding down the afternoon by reading The Lisi Crier, the very chic publication put out by The Lovely Ladies of Lisi[anski Island], of which there are two (2). That is the entire population of Lisi for the summer. I got to know them a bit while they hung out at Midway before they shipped out....outstanding, heroic girls. They are apparently developing romantic feelings for the solar freezer, and constructed what I can only assume is a bad-ass shitter. I kind of wish I had one of those, if only to give it an awesome nickname like "The Torture Chamber" or "Dick Cheney" or "The Temple of Doom".

Today I went out on a trail that I havent been on in a couple months, along the southern part of west beach. I was surprised to find a roost of about 150 frigatebirds, which is the biggest I've seen on this island (they mostly hang out on Eastern Island). I hung out with them for a while and caught up on whatever it is frigatebirds gossip about. A couple of them talked about how they wanted to beat the crap out of a Red-tailed Tropicbird and steal it's fish. Then they went and beat the crap out of a Red-tailed Tropicbird, but it didn't have any fish to steal (see below).







Well it's Sunday morning now. Zack the new volunteer is here, and he had the foresight to bring good coffee, which is much appreciated. Last night basically consisted of leaning on a wall at the bowling alley, Jay and Silent Bob style, with a few other people, watching everyone else bowl. It was probably the closest I've gotten to doing Nothing since I've been here. For those who are not familiar with this concept/spirituality/lifestyle, it may be too late for you..........

Rain today. I don't know if I will be making it to Eastern this afternoon, which was the original plan. I must get over there one more time before I leave, to say goodbye to all the birds there. Tomorrow is Monday, and we are all Doomed. Best of luck to you.



It's hard to beat the views here. This is from the dock on Eastern, looking back at Sand Island.

You're Wanted In Surgery

The monumental Gray-backed Tern, on it's way to do something outstanding.

I'm looking out the window at a Laysan Duck with a bunch of brand new ducklings. Hold on. Sweet. Heart attack sweet. Diabetes sweet. 8 little ducklings! Probably only a couple days old. Adorable. I don't know what they're doing in "town", but I wish them the best of luck. Last I saw of them it looked like they were heading off to Smash Imperialism....an unlikely feat but a good way to go, in the scheme of things. Maybe they were protesting the poor, poor, poor Supreme Court decision that was just handed down in California....they seemed a bit rambunctious.



Behind of the house, the third and final White Tern chick has hatched. She shall hereafter be known as "Betty", completing my personal bartender hall of fame..........manifested by tern chicks. As you all (should) know, Betty was a refugee of Toby and Jack's in Arcata, and ended up next door at Everett's, where you can still find her today. Halsey is a big girl now, in the awkward teenager phase. Lourdes is holding it down in the shed, and Betty still has her egg tooth and may have just hatched this morning. Of course I have no way to prove the sex of any of them, but if that's the case I can feminize all of them and no one can prove me otherwise.

As of today I've only got a week left. Time to maximize "Fun Time" and soak in The Atoll Of Youth, you know what I'm sayin? Enhance the tan. Drink the whiskey. Have vision-quests in the sauna. Find that vagrant. Word.

Oh yeah the above picture documents the first and last time an Against Me! song was and ever will be played on Midway, hehe.



Wedge-tailed Shearwaters are attentive and affectionate lovers, unlike most people I know.

I Can Barely Play This Thing

"Wow, Midway is way better than Fresno." - Great Frigatebird

"I am sick and tired and my money's always spent, and though their jobs are killing me, their money pays my rent. The fuel of world hate, although it's just a seed, but when it grows and flowers, it becomes the world's greed......" - Choking Victim, Money

I am currently admiring the large blood blister I have on my thumb from a banding incident. Out of the corner of my eye it looks like a huge tick is there, satiated after a massive bloodmeal. The blood is all congealed and black, I am tempted to pop it, but afraid of what might come out.

So I have tentative summer plans at the moment. It involves not making money......again. That stuff is overrated anyways, you know what I'm saying? It's highly addictive....kinda like heroin. Once you get a good hit, you can't live without it. And then it all goes downhill from there. Beyond health care, I don't think it's a big deal, if your not totally broke. Or have children. Or owe someone a lot of money. The money trail is the road most traveled, and that is not someplace I want to spend a lot of time in.....there are many dead ends.



Midway is relatively pristine as far as marine ecosystems go, thus the large numbers of sea turtles, dolphins, sharks and smaller fish.



Even C-130s do not frighten the fearless Laysan Ducks.

Anyhow, in order to avoid jinxing myself, I am not going to mention what I'm planning on doing until it is completely confirmed. That is what I think is best. Gotta keep things interesting, you know?

Of course, it's easy for me to talk about money this way. I'm a privileged middle-class semi-white dude. The "privileged" part is important to not take for granted. Too many people use their privileges to fly a desk, take Star Trek really seriously, play video games, stay in cities, have too many kids, live in Fresno, climb the corporate latter and otherwise plot how to become more privileged. It all sounds like soul-cancer to me. Maybe when I am aging and desperate to cling to something permanent will I throw myself into this mess, but until then I will do my best to stay above the fray. But I will vow here and now to never, ever, live in Fresno. Thank you.




There's nothing like liquefied squid in the morning.

A Rationale So Moronic

Brown Noddy. They're busy doing courtship displays and laying eggs. Oh yeah.

Well......I totally missed the Memorial Day event/service/observation this afternoon. I'm ok with that though......I was out looking at birds. The weather has turned for the better (that bitch "Gale" finally left the atoll), and we are all happier for it. It's been a good weekend. A bunch of Coast Guard people showed up in the middle of the night and appeared at the All Hands Club while the almighty, illustrious, one-of-a-kind Chugach Band was holding it down. There are a couple seagoing emergencies (heart attack, man overboard) that they are dealing with, and I suppose they will be based here until crud is resolved.

Highlight of today was wading out into rusty bucket to look at the reef fish. Had my feet nibbled on by hundreds of little fish......that's my kind of pedicure.



These are a couple of the old Clipper Houses that were built back some time before WWII, when "flying boats" used to stop here between San Francisco and The Orient. They could be in better shape.

On Saturday we had the Midway 5k, and I, hope against hope, won the bike race. I didnt think I would ever win a race in my life, so this came as a surprise to me. Those of you who know me probably don't even believe this. A lot of people here are in better shape than me, but I probably get around the island on bike as much as anyone. The timed Laysan Duck surveys that I do by bike made for good training I suppose. John Klavitter won the foot race, of course.



Midway 5K! I think they all tied for second place.....good strategy.

Do you ever get the feel that you are about to start the rest of your life? Ive always felt Ive been on the brink of some epic existential breakthrough, but I never quite get there. I don't feel alone in this, and I suspect a lot of people are old and gray before they realize that they've already done most of their living, and that light down at the far end of the tunnel will always remain in the distance. I don't want to be one of those people.

What? Who said that? I think I'm going to go hit the sauna. Later!



Moby Dick is still going strong. He has blue eyes! If he lives very long (unlikely), he will be quite the ladykiller.

The Come And Go

"And I wear it for the thousands who have died, believin' that The Lord was on their side. I wear it for another hundred thousand who have died, believin' that we all were on their side......" - Johnny Cash, Man In Black

Welcome to the special Memorial Day edition of BB&B. It's the first 3-day weekend I've had since I've been here, and since its almost my last I intend to take advantage of it. The almighty Chugach Band is playing Sunday night, and today I will compete in the venerable Red-footed Booby Midway 5K Classic. The possibilities are endless, and this realization just made me choke on my coffee. Who chokes on coffee?



Christmas Shearwater is the shearwater in black.

Of course, Memorial Day isn't really about me choking on things. I'll let the above Johnny Cash quote speak for my feelings on the holiday. Memorial Day on Midway is probably a bit different than the usual drunken irreverence on the mainland, and with the Battle of Midway anniversary coming up soon it could be interesting. I will let you know how it goes.

Not a whole lot new in bird news. The atoll is flooded in a high tide of adorable ducklings. People are keeling over left and right from cuteness-related complications. Pacific Golden-Plovers are few and far between.....most have probably made it back to Alaska by now. A few Ruddy Turnstones, Wandering Tattlers and Bristle-thighed Curlews are still lurking however. Most everything else here is the process of making babies, or just finishing. The clouds of Bonin Petrels that blanketed the sky at dusk have dissipated, and there are noticeably less adult albatross around. Spring seems to be slowly turning into summer......that was quick.

Blind To Indications Of His Species' Slow Decay

One of the friendly neighborhood Bristle-thighed Curlews.

Man. This wind really blows. Pun intended. Seriously though, its really unseasonal and everyone is pretty bummed about it. Whenever I look outside, I think "Nope, still windy". It puts a damper on things.

So Ole Blindy is still holding it down at the Aviary Seep, everyone wants him to Win. There is a reason there aren't many blind animals out there. They tend to die. But there is something endearing about a blind duck, and we are all on his side.



The previously mentioned White Tern chick and it's everlasting fish.

I found out that The Swine Flu has made its way to Humboldt County, where there are many people near and dear to my heart. Is it weird that this doesn't really bother me? I have very little faith in Swine Flu to be the monster that some people wanted it to be. I almost want to call it "Whine Flu" but since its actually killed a bunch of people that seems a bit inappropriate.

Otherwise, news has been sparse. Vehicle emissions will finally be controlled, Guantanamo remains open, and Ive been updated on a lot of gossip lately from safely anonymous sources. San Francisco's drunken, masochistic orgy that is Bay To Breakers seems to have been successful. Everything is more interesting than it seems. Yet no one can ever tell me how my favorite bartender is doing, because mysteriously everyone has their memory erased after seeing her. She must be more powerful than I could have imagined. There are rumors, however, that she is still hot.

And why is anyone paying attention to Dick Cheney? How is he still functioning? What's his robo-heart powered by anyway? Can pure hatred and a dash of fascism keep someone going for this long? Most people who drunkenly shoot their buddies in the face (remember that?) don't command much respect, much less someone who has managed to turn their country into......well, let's call it as it is.....the dirty asshole of the world.

There is only one more plane that comes in before I fly out.....hopefully it will carry the new NOFX album and some new headphones for me. Between now and then is a three-day weekend and a trip to Eastern Island, which I don't get to see much anymore. Things are looking up. Now only if this damn wind will stop......




Pete Leary sends his bowling ball into hyperspace.

Frankly, I Find It Bizarre

The rough and tough Red-tailed Tropicbird.

I am going to miss the albatross. How do people live without having thousands of albatross everywhere? I certainly don't know how I used to do it. Looking back on my pre-Midway life, a lot of it was pretty happy.....its good to know I was actually miserable. Seems like a pretty empty existence if you ask me. Midway must seem like a ghost town for the few months that they are not here......creepy.

I say this because there have been relatively few adults here lately. They caught the wind and left for greener pastures......er.......more nutrient-rich waters. There are 5 adults in the front yard right now and that seems like a lot. When I first got here there would be close to 50.

Last night I went spotlighting Laysan Ducks with Jimmy. I caught one with a hand-net, but it escaped. I will have my revenge soon. Jimmy got a couple though so it worked out ok......not to mention I found my lifer Bulwer's Petrel in a burrow so it was actually fantastic.

Tomorrow is our atoll-wide simultaneous duck survey.....I will check on Ole Blindy, hopefully he is gleefully (albeit blindly) nibbling on whatever ducks nibble on at the Aviary Seep. If he is not doing these things, Ole Blindy might be in a bit of a rough spot.

This week is heavy with marine debris work. Considering the high winds we are always having, it sucks. Usually its nice to be out on the beaches (especially the restricted-access ones!), but getting everything blown around while simultaneously being sandblasted isnt very fun. The monk seals like to make it interesting by hauling up into our plots while we are doing our surveys, as they know we have been told to stay 150 feet from them. Of course they just lie there smugly and pass out. Typical.



Red-footed Booby. Tangible perfection? Perhaps.

I Prefer The Company of Animals

Laysan Albatross aren't very graceful on the ground, but they know how to look good in the air.

How's that for a title? I pulled it out of a Western Addiction song, but for people here I think its pretty applicable. It's more interesting than "Wind" or "More Wind" or "Steve Isn't Very Good At Bowling", which sums up the last few days. I think I can now say that I've talked to Laysan Albatrosses more than any other species of animal, and I'm pretty proud of that.

Yesterday at another outstanding Klavitter Cocktail Party, we watched an adult tern bring a huge fish in for its chick; the fish was about twice as long as the chick. We all cheered the chick on as it slowly worked the fish down (young terns take their food whole). For about an hour it just hung out with part of the fish sticking out of its bill.....it eventually got the whole thing. An impressive feat of eating.....it would be the equivalent of me trying to swallow a 12 foot anaconda whole. Truly inspirational. They're a lot of fun to have around, I will miss them on the mainland. I'll post pictures when I get around to uploading them........

I only have a few weeks left here.......which is a strange thing to be saying. My time here has slowly gone by quickly, if that makes any sense. Next weekend we get three days off though, so I will do my best to make it worthwhile.



Ole Blindy, the completely blind Laysan Duck. I took the liberty of giving him that very original name.

I can't think of a whole lot I want to do before I leave that I haven't gotten to do already. It would be nice to kayak some more. Otherwise......maybe spotlight some ducks with Jimmy, use the sauna, see a Bulwer's Petrel. Some sort of bonus shorebird migrant would be ideal.....but I will take what I can get.



Of course, part of what makes Midway Midway is the people here. I will try to fill up my social calendar for the last few weeks. There are rumors of a marathon next weekend.....I am seriously consider running it. I mean walking it. Let's keep it real, right?

Ok. That's it for now. I miss you all. I will leave you with some wisdom from one of the finest American's that have ever lived. Good night.

It's a strange world. Some people get rich, and others eat shit and die. - Hunter S. Thompson

There's Boys Outside Preaching Genocide

Hawaiian Monk Seals mysteriously have the ability to attract human females from thousands of miles away to pick up their poop and otherwise harass them.



The Oscar Sette brought bucketloads (scads?) of monk sealers (er, seal-watchers, not seal clubbers) and other researchers to Midway for a day.



Pier party!



Aaron demonstrates his love of women's clothing for all to see.



Tracy has a penchant for scrawling with sharpie on people.



I stole this from Facebook. My hand is in there though. This shot sums up the last week I think. I miss my new seal friends! The atoll seems desolate without them.

.......You Are the Harbinger Of Death

Sooty Tern. This is one of my favorite shots Ive taken since Ive been here. It may appear I'm a good photographer but this dude/lady was only a few feet above my head.

Sports are weird. I've never been very good at most of them. That's probably why I turned into a nerd, started watching birds and listening to punk rock. For all these reasons and more, I have always been grateful that I'm not very good at sports. I've been playing a lot of volleyball lately though, and its pretty fun. I play badly enough to claim that I suck, but well enough to justify playing. Good enough for me. Have you ever noticed that a lot of sports players don't have a very artistic side to them? Its like they weren't built for that. These are the people who thought (and maybe still do) that Limp Bizkit was a good band and that Metallica is better than Slayer. Yeah theres a bunch of exceptions, but there's exceptions to everything.



Moby Dick, The Great White Albatross (Chick). He lives next to Sunrise Seep on Sand Island.

Things are mellow here on Midway. Life is good. It would be incredible to get paid to be here and still do field work.....but those chances are few and far between. The monk seal people here fall into that category, and they all seem pretty great. They leave Thursday morning though, which sucks. One of the guys who lives here has mentioned a couple times what a bummer it is to get to know someone and befriend them here, only to have them leave and never see them again. Its a bit depressing, I reckon, and I can see what he's talking about.



There are ducklings all over the islands now. They are very cute, and although they lack predators in the true sense of the word, most ducklings don't live very long. This one was only a couple of days old, and probably got attacked by another duck. Besides getting beat up on by members of their own species, the Laysan Albatross will often grab a duckling given the opportunity. They don't kill them out of maliciousness, they just see them as playthings. Albatross and human children are not all that different from each other....except I would much rather hang out with an albatross.

I'd Love You Forever If I Ever Loved At All

Just another raging Thursday night with The Chugach Band.

The island is being overrun with young people. I don't know what is happening. There are even girls here, which is really confusing and disorienting for everyone. Until you are in a remote, relatively peopleless place like this, its hard to appreciate, or even understand, what I am talking about. Instinctively, I feel like I should just start panicking and take it from there.

Last night's plane was probably the best one since Ive been here. It brought some cool folks in (sweet), took some cool folks out (bitter), and brought me a couple of awesome packages from my colleagues in California. I now have snake tattoos and Philz coffee.....what more can a man ask for? So thank you to Misty, Andrea and Jameson for being the brave, courageous, incredible individuals that they are.



Speaking of brave and courageous, Halsey the White Tern chick is growing up so fast. She is the master of her domain (i.e. the top of the wall), much like her namesake. She has withstood rain, wind, and the drastic temperature swings that have killed hundreds of petrel and albatross chicks in the past week. From what Ive seen so far, she is strong enough to outlive all of us. The longevity record for her species, by the way, is about 35 years old. Not bad for a dinky seabird that is famous for nesting in bad places (they don't make nests).



North Pacific Albatross Trifecta (i.e. Black-footed, Short-tailed and Laysan Albatrosses).

We have one Short-tailed Albatross left on the atoll currently. Fortunately, it is the friendly big male that's here on Sand Island that is usually seen passed out next to the bike trail on the south side of the runway. It's getting late in the season for them to be here, so it is a privilege to still be graced with his presence. He doesn't really do anything, which I can appreciate. Occasionally he will stare down a Black-footed Albatross, which he inevitably wins because he is a big, big bird. Black-foots are generally regarded as being the most ill-tempered bird out here, and most people who have worked with them have some scars to show for it. Ive gotten some reluctant nibbles from them (getting a nibble from a Laysan Albatross is the gooney equivalent of a handshake), but most would rather rip out my eyeballs given the opportunity. So its funny to see them getting bullied by the dinosaur-like Short-tailed Albatross.




Wedge-tailed Shearwaters. They arrived a few weeks ago, and you can usually hear them moaning and groaning on certain parts of the island.

Shall We Dance? Or Maybe Just Limp Around?

I have less than a month left!!!!! What is happening? Is this some sort of cruel joke? Will I be able to recover from being removed from this amazing place? Or will I be left mentally scarred, running through the gutters of San Francisco for the rest of my life? What will I do without my support system (aka the three million seabirds here)? Who will I talk to? People? Please.



Right. Gotta move on. Whats next? I'll let you know when I find out. I'm going to stop jinxing myself and quit talking about where I'm applying. At least I'm finding out that my qualifications would have set me up for a couple of jobs if I decided to leave Midway early, but I refuse to capitulate and so my schedule is kind of narrowing the field for me. But I am not worried. Why worry? I wont be able to stop global warming, but finding a bird job should not be a problem.



The Brown Booby. I don't have anything or witty to say about this one, despite the potential provided by its dubious name.

There's A Priest Kneeling Next To Me

Black Noddy. They are beginning to be outnumbered by Brown Noddies. The Brown Noddies are much easier to approach because they don't nest way up in trees....but I like the Blacks more because I have been friends with them longer. And no I am not racist.

I got another island bird today! Least Terns! They are mixed in with Little Terns at the catchment. I don't know if there is anywhere else where you can see both species....I think of them as being each other's counterparts between the Old World and The New World (i.e. like yellowlegs and redshanks, hummingbirds and sunbirds). But since Midway is not really one or the other, it seems fitting that they are both here. The nearest known breeding areas for each species is thousands of miles away, so its pretty sweet to see both at once. I will try to get pictures, but they don't really have the Midway attitude that the local birds have......meaning I can't just walk up to them.

Yes, sorry for the nerdy introduction, but you get what you pay for, you know what I'm saying? There is only one more species of bird here (in fact, I may go look for it tonight) that I think I have any decent chance of adding to my island list before I leave, so I will take what I can get. In this case, Least Terns are (rather endangered) old friends of mine from California and Baja Mexico, so I'm glad they came out to visit.

Speaking of old friends, Liz and Cass will be happily reuniting (Monsoon Reun?????) in Overton, Nevada, in the very near future to harass riparian and desert songbirds on the Lower Virgin River. I can only wish them the best. Considering that they are in roadtrip range of where Laurel #1, V-Ditch, Laurel #2 and of course Golden Plover (the person, not the bird) are located, the possibilities here are truly endless. All I know is that someone needs to tell me where I can find a Ferruginous Pygmy-Owl.

By the, just for the record, one way I'm going to take advantage of my newly highly-migratory lifestyle is by doing some legendary roadtrips. I need to do this while I am still young, you know what Im saying? Of course, they are going to be heavy into birds, but if you are into it (or at least indifferent), let me know. There is a Limpkin in Florida I need to meet, a Xantus' Hummingbird in Baja I gotta talk to, and a Boreal Chickade straight outta Maine that I wants me to holler at it.

In other news, I really miss Jameson (the refreshing beverage...as well as the person), Jim Beam is just not cutting it for me.

I really hope that this blog will get me a job someday, or prevent me from getting one. Either way I win. I think its mostly been PG-13 so far though.....I guess I need to take it to The Next Level.



This is the first documented Triceratops X Laysan Albatross Hybrid.

The chick pictured above is actually suffering from Avian Pox, which we have here. All the birds Ive seen with it are Laysan Albatross chicks.....maybe it doesnt physically manifest in other birds. Anyways, its carried by mosquitoes, and when a chick has it, it gets real ugly real quick. Huge growths will cover their bills and faces and render them hideous and blind. I am not kidding. They look like burn victims. Anyway, although they look like they will die a horrible, painful death, most birds actually recover as they get older and it ends up going away. One of the ways it does screw birds over is that chicks will wander around whether they can see or not, and if they get completely lost and cant find their way back while being completely blind, they are out of luck.

How High Is The Water, Mama?

The illustrious Zack Brewer let me know about a really good blog that I think you all should read. It's called "Journey To The Sinking Lands", and can be accessed on your right in my blog list. It is documenting the first ever evacuation of an area made inhospitable to human habitation due to climate change. I'm afraid this could happen to Midway....not for the people here, but for the birds. It won't be much of a seabird colony if it goes underwater.

Your Perseverance May Outlast My Ambition

Do you know what sucks? The tropicbird chick and the petrel chick that are pictured in my last couple blogs are already dead. Talk about a bummer. The cause of mortality for both is probably Laysan Albatross. Its not that they eat bird chicks, they just don't give a fuck. They like playing with stuff. Theyre like cats.....bird cats. Not catbirds though....that would be confusing. Yeah. Anyways. Someone mentioned yesterday that they saw an albatross walk up to a White Tern chick, grab it, break its neck, toss it aside and walk away. Bizarre. Well at least it is the albatross doing this, who have probably been doing this for many thousands of years.....it would be much worse if rats were the culprit. The government spent millions of dollars on eradicating rats from the atoll, and the huge jump in seabird numbers since then has shown that it was well worth it. I don't even want to think of what will happen if they somehow get introduced out here again....it would be an ugly scene.

Next week is Gary's last full week here. He got here the same time I did (he is the other volunteer here), but is leaving several weeks earlier. I'm not sure whats going to happen when I am the only volunteer here........I might institute some "migrant surveys" (aka go birding) or something if left unsupervised. I'll probably be too busy though.



This turtle was left stranded on the reef by a low tide.

I watched Sideways today. Great movie. I recognized a lot of where that movie was shot. Amusing that they had a scene in it from Oxnard. But I think the Oxnardness inhanced the scene. And why, why, is it called Oxnard? Its a terrible name for a horrible city. You know, if they named it "Tealtown" or "Dendroica" or even "Bushtit", there would probably be no homicides or gang warfare at all. What does Oxnard mean anyway? All the cities around there have very obvious Spanish-sounding names (Port Hueneme, San Buenaventura, Santa Paula, Camarillo).....Oxnard does not fir the motif. Oh well, at least it gave birth to "Nardcore" and the 2006 Man Of The Year, Carlos.

Too much wind this weekend. No bueno. It makes me restless and think about migration. Whats the point of talking about the woes of Oxnard anyway? Sheesh.



One of my few Bonin Petrel flight shots. It's a hard picture to get, since they are usually only around after dark.

You Better Watch Who You Call Backwards

A lot of spent ammunition washes up on Eastern Island....this is the first live round I've found. I have no idea how old it is......some of the stuff we've found could certainly date back to The Battle of Midway.

Well I have finally started branching out to the outside world and have been looking into what passes as news. New studies have shown that crustaceans and fish are both quite capable of feeling pain (obvi), and birds (all parrots so far) can understand rhthym and are capable of dancing to music. Sweet. Egypt, absurdly, has decided to kill all of its pigs, in order to stop the spread of Swine Flu. How they have ignored the fact that it is people who are spreading it, not pigs, is difficult to fathom. If they were serious about preventing Swine Flu from entering its borders, they would set up slaughterhouses for tourists at all border entries and major airports. Also, Bigfoot has been found to conclusively exist, as an old skeleton was collected from an undisclosed location near the Oregon-California border. This will, of course, cause the demise of the entire timber industry in several states......rednecks, hicks, good ol boys and other wild-eyed inbreeders will soon be marching on Washington, armed with bulldozers and chainsaws, demanding the complete and total destruction of The Environment.......

What? Who said that? That cant be all true. But with no one to tell you otherwise, why not make up your own news? Entertainment on Midway comes at a high premium, and a vivid imagination and a strong sense for the absurd can go a long way here.

Of course, the wildlife still provides most of the entertainment here.



Feeling down? Got the blues? There are many psychologists (albatross) here who will gladly listen to your problems.



This albatross chick decided to team up with a petrel chick (see albatross' right foot) for an unbeatable Dream Team. Considering the albatross are usually busy trampling petrel burrows and are always picking at anything interesting-looking, this pair was kind of strange to see.



The quintessential fully-inflated frigatebird shot.