Greetings From The Listserv Hall Of Fame

For years I have been reading the reports on San Diego Birds and thought that there was much ado about nothing in so many cases. Doug Aguillard has repeatedly ranted about the existence of an elite inner circle and their comrades and I figured that he was just crazy and stirring the pot for the sake of stirring the pot. But this latest news about the Le Conte's Sparrow has me wondering if Doug wasn’t right and has secretly been enshrined into his formerly hated inner circle since he has remained silent since the news came out. This can only lead me to believe he saw the bird. From what I can tell from what was posted on the group and from email responses of those people who replied to my emails I find many things amiss in the local birding people. The same people that have so many others looking up to them just flipped each and every one of you off.

First off, the Le Conte’s Sparrow could not be seen from any public thoroughfare so Terry must have been trespassing when he found it. Fair enough, most of us have been guilty of such a minor crime from time to time. Terry Hunefeld, Paul Lehman, Guy McCaskie, Peter Ginsburg, Sue Smith, Gary Nunn, Matt Sadowski , Doug Aguillard and even Tom Benson - from another county - all got a call about the bird on Friday and were able to see it. It is obvious that they all agreed to keep the matter secret as none of them called anyone outside of this secret society to share this news. Puppet Master McCaskie must have been expertly manipulating the strings once again and threatening loss of the secret handshake known only to the group for anyone who spread the word. As Paul Lehman shared in a post about his beloved girlfriend Barbara Carlson, there are people doing a big year that would have liked to see this bird. I can't find anyone who will say that either was there on Friday so I must assume that they didn't know about the bird. Paul couldn't even tell his girlfriend because it was such an important secret? 

In trying to cover their tracks they decided to allow some people to enter the golf course under the ruse that there was permission for one group of a limited number of people to have legal access. This was a bold lie as the group found out that there was no permission upon arriving on the scene. Any number of other people who routinely post to the list about what they find, people like Jay Keller, Mark Straton, Dave Povey, Chris Smith, BJ Stacey, Eric Kallen and Stan Walens all come to mind. Come on, Stan even has a worldwide known bench for birding named after him and no one thought about asking if he might want to see a county first bird. If they find a rare bird I bet all hell erupts if they decide not to share that information immediately. I don’t know of everyone who was there on Saturday but I have learned of some but it isn’t worth mentioning them since they should only be blamed for unassumingly trespassing after being lied to.

Didn’t this same thing happen earlier in the year with the Mongolian Plover and Sharp-tailed Sandpiper? Didn’t these same people try to keep that hidden until word – as it always does – leaked out? And how many other times has it happened? How can it be that Guy McCaskie and Paul Lehman always seem to get access to places that the general public is denied? It is amazing what one can find when the government is open. Searching a federal grant database I do not see either of them listed upon a grant but they are given access to Salt Works whenever they request it. How did they gain the special government powers that permit them to do so or are the local researchers complicit in the trespassing meaning they should lose their grants? Perhaps one of them will publicly profess how this can be legal. Silence should only to interpreted to mean they are guilty.

The absolute hypocrisy of Guy McCaskie and his acolytes is a sin to birders everywhere. They share amongst themselves and demand all be given by others. Sound like our current Congress perhaps? These same people have been doing this same thing for as long as they have been birding. San Diego birding is known across the country as being home to some of the best birders in the country but also as home to some of the most backstabbing birders at the same time. The only way to perhaps get them to change is to find your own birds and not tell any of them about it until it is gone. Give a dose of their own medicine to these self-appointed doctors in this drama. To those of you who do go birding I plead with you to ask people across the nation – not just San Diego and California – about these people. You will be amazed at how horrible they are thought of as people and how far the tales have traveled. 

So go find your birds and don’t share that information with any of these self centered egotistic snobs. If I had the power I would kick them off all the lists and phone trees that they belong to. I had birded for over 30 years all across the country until a car accident in 2001 left me unable to continue. I now find my birds by reading San Diego Birds and clicking on links to photos from the locals who share their photos. And, all the while, I only hope that one of those special birds will fly up to my window and bless me with just a few moments of its life. Perhaps being bedridden and looking out a window is better than having to look any of you in the eye.

Blessed Birding to ALL that share

Todd Ingess
La Jolla CA
San Diego County CA

Birding And Butthurt: Til Death Do Us Part

This is a Great Frigatebird. It knows not of the insignificant trials and tribulations that plague the average birder. We should view it with not only awe, but envy. Photographed at Midway Atoll.

Butthurt. We all know what this means, and if we don't, let me help you. It's a frustrating, immature and stupid thing to experience, and a frustrating, immature and stupid thing to be exposed to. I've experienced the 'hurt in all manner of social situations, and if you are one of the lucky birders who actually gets to experience a social situation occasionally, you certainly have too. It can be a funny thing to watch, usually when the butthurt is not directed at you though.

What has always amazed me is how prevalent butthurt is among birders. Birders can be so goddamn sensitive and entitled...it's a horrible combination. The apparent lack of emotional maturity displayed by all ages is staggering. And hey, I'll be the first one to admit that I am no exception. Yes, I too, your #7 U.S. birder, have descended into a dismal and embarrassing state of butthurt...but these days it doesn't happen very often. They say that time heals all wounds, but it is wisdom that heals all butthurt. Like the frigatebird rides the thermals to soar majestically high above the chaos of terrestrial life, I have elevated myself above the nerdy and chronically butthurt masses...and let me tell you, it's not very crowded up here.

Today, as a gut check for the birding community, I offer you the top 25* ways that birders get butthurt. Enjoy, or get really, um...sore about it. Your call.

1. When an eBird reviewer questions your observation
2. When anyone questions your observation
3. When someone surpasses your personal list for a select region
4. When someone surpasses your personal year list record for a select region
5. When other birders suppress information about a rarity
6. When a beginner/photographer is advised to buy a field guide
7. When you miss seeing a bird on a pelagic trip
8. When someone flushes a rarity that you are watching (this is highly forgivable though)
9. When Birder X finds out Birder Y is appointed as a leader on a pelagic trip and Birder X thinks they are the better birder and should be a leader instead
10. When the Bird Police reject a record you submitted
11. When everyone thinks a rare bird is escaped/ship assisted and you don't
12. When you are looking at a bird and someone gets in your way
13. When you are photographing a bird and someone gets in your way
14. When you bait a raptor and people get pissed at you
15. When you want to get in and bird a place but they are not open yet
16. When you don't get enough attention on a guided trip
17. When birders complain about using playback and you use it all the time
18. When experienced birders discuss problems with birding/birders and you think they are being elitist
19. When everyone is using eBird, you don't and you feel left out and confused
20. When someone has a rare bird in their yard and they won't let you see it
21. When someone spots a rare bird before you do
22. When you are debating something about birding with someone who uses science to back their views and you know nothing about science
23. When you are leading a trip and someone apparently better at bird ID than you disagrees with your identification of a particular bird
24. When you come across birders who surprisingly seem to be integrated in to the rest of society
25. When someone you don't know on the internet proudly proclaims that he is the #7 U.S. birder, and you suspect your Global Birder Ranking System rank is considerably lower

Of course, there are hundreds of other ways birders can get butthurt! Feel free to add to the list in the comments. Remember, next time you feel your blood boiling over some petty bullshit, chill the fuck back. No one cares. Drink a beer or three, and come ride the mellow thermals with me and the frigatebirds.

Yours truly,

Seagull Steve
#7 U.S. Birder

* = This isn't in order, so don't let that bother you. Everything is going to be ok.

This Week In Birding: "The Omnipresent Threat Of Male Birders To Women"

Please make the jump to lightspeed and check out Assertiveness Training for Women Birders. YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT, regardless of gender, especially if you like ABA drama.

Ladies, I expect next time I see you in the field you will know I will regard your presence and participation with hostility. Dudes, I feel sorry for those of you who lack the physical equipment of alpha males, but at least you have successfully colluded with optics companies to have compensatory enormous binoculars.

Obviously there are grains of truth underlying her argument here...but this is some really next-level stuff. Just read it.

The Human Birdwatcher Project Presents: It's My Job To Keep Birding Elite, or Esquire's Birder Gets Bizarre

Many of you have read it already, but I think Esquire's recent post on birdwatching is worth some of BB&B's time. Entitled "Uh-oh. Birdwatching Is About To Become Cool. (And it's too bad)", it lets us know right away that we are going to disagree with a lot of the content of the post.

As any loyal BB&B reader knows, birding is not cool. I don't want to be redundant on this subject, but birding resides deeply in the realm of the weird and nerdy. Do cool people bird? Yes, I can get on board with that. Does the activity of birding have any potential to instill any degree of coolness into someone? Absolutley not. I'm fine with that and have accepted it long ago...I'm not concerned about birding being cool or becoming cool because it's just not in the cards. Just look at all the birders out there....you have met them. You know what I'm talking about. We are a frightening lot. The evidence is overwhelming...arguing that birding is not weird is akin to denying climate change. Arguing that birding is becoming hip is about as persuasive as trying to convince someone that the earth is flat.

A fraction of you are lucky enough to have friends outside the world of birding and biology, and with this rare and critical frame of reference lies the potential to actually understand how bizarre birders are as a whole. A number of people have told me that I am the only "cool" birder they have ever met...an accusation I categorically deny. Sure I have nonbirding friends, some weird tattoos, can party, and have an interest in something besides birding, but for those of you who have never met me....I'm super lame. Really, being me is an immersion in embarrassment...just ask my girlfriend. I watch birds all the time, write a uberdorky bird blog, relish obscure Star Wars quotes, am constantly wishing I was watching a new Game of Thrones episode, love profoundly unpopular music (not the unpopular-but-hip stuff), and have no immunity to those awkward moments that plague most birders relentlessly.

Every once in a while, I can't shake that unmistakable feeling...the feeling that somewhere, somehow, a Philadelphia Vireo is watching me. And when I am lucky enough to actually find the bastard, I rejoice. I live for moments like these. But nowhere in this sequence of events does coolness (or lack thereof) enter the equation, and that's how it should be. South Padre Island, TX.

The author of the post seems to think that these birdercentric movies that are coming out (The Big Year and A Birder's Guide to Everything) have a shot at actually going to make birding cool. I just can't make the connection. It's not like The Big Year was directed by Wes Anderson, the Coen Brothers, or Christopher Guest. Sure The Big Year has made birding more popular (which does not at all translate to being "trendy" or "cool"), but it's not like hundreds of thousands of people were recruited into our nerdy ranks.

Speaking of numbers, the author infers that 50 million people go birdwatching every year, which we all know is a myth. That's well above the annual attendance for all NFL and MLB games combined, which is absurd. If that 50 million number were true, about one in six Americans would go birdwatching regularly...can you imagine that? Everyone would know a birder. Can we all get past this ridiculous number that keeps appearing in the media? The true number of casual birdwatchers and birders is likely a tiny sliver of this figure.

These people are birders. They are birding. I'm not kidding...they paid good money to do this. This is what birding looks like. Matching khaki? Hella cool. Fetal position? Fucking ace. Public crotch-burrowing? Uber hip. Photo of cool birders cooly birding by Matt Brady.

Let us skip ahead to my favorite part of the article: "I have met some of these aggressive, fist-pumping birders — frat boys with binoculars — and my God they piss me off. Last year, while I was birding in Florida, walking down a beach where piping plovers nested, I ran into a quartet of them chugging beer as they birded. They were fantastically knowledgeable about the local ecology, I might add.

Are they the future? I'm more worried about the kind of birder found in A Birder's Guide to Everything, the emo type."

I don't even know where to start.....this is truly golden. It almost sounds like a joke, but I just don't think it is. I hear birders complain about hipsters often enough (which I think frequently speaks to a long-distance yet emotionally abusive relationship with the concept of "coolness"), but being paranoid about EMO birders???? Here I am worried about how rising sea levels will eventually decimate low-lying seabird colonies, and this dude is still thinking about emo. And if birding needs anything, it is MORE BEER, not less. I have been birding for almost 20 years, including through college, and I have never observed this rare and elusive frat boy birder. Are there raging birders? Yes. There is a difference. Anyone can rage...in fact, I highly recommend it. And lastly...the number of Piping Plovers that nest in Florida is 0 (zero).

In the end, this dude is entitled to his opinion, and he does hint at some notions that I can get behind. I too think birding is weird and quirky, and I hate birding places that are packed to the gills with other birders. Dealing with too many birders at once can be a drag...I don't even know how the twitchers across the pond put up with it. But I just can't relate to the idea that more of us are a bad thing, for so many reasons that I'm not even going to bother getting into that.

Friends, we hope you enjoyed this post, which has been brought to you by The Human Birdwatcher Project ("Birders Are People Too!"). Stay tuned for information on the next birder flick coming down the pipe, which we recently learned has been given the working title, "A Birder's Guide To Your Mom." Expect many new birders in the near future.

On Birders and Squirting

If this Warbling Vireo sees you, it will then commence to seize you. Once you are seized, you will find yourself squirting, much to the delight of the dominant vireo. Photographed at South Padre Island, TX.

Birders are an oblivious bunch. It is known. There is no other explanation for why birding is saturated with so many jizz aficionados. Most people do not think of a birdwatcher when they think of someone who is really enthusiastic about jizz...but many birders will tell you, in total seriousness, that they think jizz is extremely important. Perhaps even underrated.

But I digress. Jizz is history...today we are going to talk about squirting. There has always been a lot of interest in one particular squirter, the Warbling Vireo. Of course, the Warbling Vireo doesn't squirt much of anything that any other vireo isn't capable of squirting, but the difference is that birders seem to think Warbling Vireos actually have a song about it.

You read that correctly. Some birders actually go around thinking that the song of the Warbling Vireo (eastern populations) sounds like,"If I sees you, I will seize you, and I'll squeeze you 'til you squirt!".

Excuse me? Can this bird song be construed to be anything more overtly sexual? Some birders know how ridiculous this sounds (thankfully), but I fear the wretched masses do not. Come on! This is hilarious! Squirting! Squirting is funny! For several reasons! Squeezing and seizing things! And what is this "If I sees you" business? That's pirate speak! Why is that there?

If you still don't understand how crazy this phrase is, let me suggest something. Walk up to some strangers on the street and use this seizing/squirting line...preferably at night, in a dimly lit area. Say it slowly and clearly. Enunciate. The real world will come crashing down on you very quickly.

It's mysterious to me why a nonsensical mnemonic like this can be wholeheartedly embraced. But then again, I shouldn't be surprised...we are talking about birders here. Several people have said it is an old saying, which could help explain why it exists in the first place, but not why it is perpetuated to this day. Maybe part of the reason its still around is that people with a sense of humor try to pass it on, with a straight face, to those who don't know any better. But I feel that is putting too much faith in birders.

I should point out that several of my sources have suggested that it is actually Matt Brady of the Bayou who deserves credit for the phrase. I would not put it past him...he is a crude man. I want you all to know that the many interns at BB&B will not rest until they find the person who gave the Warbling Vireo it's sexy song, and many people may be seized and squeezed on the path to enlightenment. In the end, will the truth be revealed? Yes. Will there be justice? Yes. Will there be squirting?

No. Not at all.

What's that? A flock of frugivorous Cerulean Warblers, you say?

As a masterful birderer, I am regularly dismayed and disappointed by how birders conduct themselves. This, of course, provides much of the reason for birderering in the first place, as you all know. As I've stated numerous times, one big reason birders get into birding is because they don't get along with people. Normally birders behaving especially strange or bizarrely aggressive do not get under my skin, but there is one frequent habit birders have on listservs/forums/Facebook that has led to this post.

To get into it simply and succinctly...when it comes to spelling and grammar, it's time for some of you to pull that huge stick out of your butt and lighten up. When birders whine and bitch about the misspellings or bad grammar of others in public forums, it typically comes off somewhere between incredibly pretentious and profoundly pathetic. If you have the type of personality that requires such a shallow level of oneupsmanship that it warms your frigid heart to spitefully correct people's spelling and grammar errors...then it's time you take a good hard look at yourself. This widespread trait is one of many, many reasons why birders will always be NERDS.

Is the world going to end when someone wrote "their" when they meant "there"?  If someone abbreviated Barn Swallow to BASW instead of BARS, is the sky going to fall? Next time you work yourself up into what is probably a first-world-white-male-self-righteous rage, realize that you are making ALL BIRDERS look like very small and insignificant people. Your friends can often see what you are posting on Facebook, and there are always new and curious birdwatchers who are just getting their feet wet in the other online venues we prefer to communicate in. Don't turn them off!

Your snarky spelling or bird code correction isn't going to make the world a better place, believe it or not. If someone writes me about the big flock of CEWA they saw eating berries in a tree, I don't make some insipid comment about how unusual it is to see a flock of frugivorous Cerulean Warblers*...I'll tell them I'm glad the CEDW flock was so abiding and go on living my life.

I consider myself relatively well-versed in the spelings and them grammars, which is great and all, but I also am painfully aware that I often type without thinking. I make mistakes! So what? I wish I didn't, but my editor Booby Brittany is not always on hand to help. Some of us have better internal editors than others. I'm not trying to glorify being a poor communicator by any means...I just believe there are much more disturbing things out there for us nerds to get completely butthurt about.

To be fair, this dickish habit is surely alive and well in many types of nerd circles, not just birders. You are not alone. Of course, it is perfectly understandable to be bummed by a vulgar display of grammatical failure, but there are ways to address this without being an asshole. For example, share it with your nerd friends, instead of telling the writer that they are dumber than a bag of hammers. Hopefully, you don't require further instruction on how to avoid insulting someone.

This rant has been gradually building up over time (and no, not because of the flak I catch for my neverending spelling mistakes), so I just thought it should get out into the Birdosphere where it can cause damage at will. Of course, it will probably just alienate and disenfranchise me to a staggering proportion of my people, but ol' Number 7 needs to get the flock in shape now and again.

That's all for today, bring on the trolls!

* - Yes nerds, I do know CERW, you can relax.

Getting Incredible Kicks

This is the sort of thing good birders get into behind closed doors. This heinous act of birder on birder action was documented by Samantha Marois.

"With a bit of luck, his life was ruined forever. Always thinking that just behind some narrow door in all of his favorite bars, men in red woolen shirts are getting incredible kicks from things he'll never know." - Hunter S. Thompson

Hey nerds, just wanted to say thanks for making February BB&B's highest traffic month ever! In gratitude, I give you this picture.

What does this have to do with birding? One of these people is an active member of a state bird records committee, the other a high ranking staff member of the increasingly mysterious Global Birder Ranking System. I shit you not.

Hopefully I have disturbed you deeply. Have a great weekend!

+1 For The Nerd Camp

Some birders spend their entire lives living a lie...believing that birding is really cool, and that birders are not dweebs. As you know, extensive research by the Human Birdwatcher Project has proved time and again that birders are total nerds. In my rather weighty opinion, claiming otherwise is pretty much akin to denying climate change, and I hope you all know we at BB&B feel about that.

A friend of mine posted this on Facebook yesterday; here he will be kept safely anonymous to keep him from persecution.

"Sometimes a nightmare is so horrifying that you have to share it to get it out of your psyche. I found and photographed an adult Spotted Redshank. The birding community was going to lynch me because, in the waning light, I was unable to dial the rare bird alert due to my tremor. This lasted about six hours! What a freakin nerd!"

Our MacGuffin

It's Christmas, and I'm down in Ventura to spend the gratuitous holiday time with my parents. Among the gifts I recieved this year were two (2) wallets, and "A Supremely Bad Idea", a birding book written by Luke Dempsey, whom I have never heard of. Knowing the many shortcomings of birdwatchers, I expected to see horrible shit smeared all over its pages, but I was pleasantly surprised to see otherwise.

"Birdwatching in England is part of that proud heritage - the word birdwatcher is a synonym for "completely unshaggable" - and it is generally thought of as an exercise for older folks who aren't physically able to play sports anymore, or else never did. If you set aside the attendant social stigma, "twitching", as birdwatching is also called, has its merits: It's harmless enough.....and it gets you out of the house. It also has a social use for younger people, keeping those nerdy kids who have no chance of ever making a real friend out of already overcrowded bars and the like.

Here in the United States, the pursuit of birds is not considered much sexier, though the use of the word "birder" instead of "birdwatcher connotes a more active particpation, I suppose, a veneer of science and perhaps adventure."

Being British, Mr. Dempsey is inherently funnier than the average American, for reasons so obvious that you should probably be experiencing a debilitating sense of shame right now if you don't understand Why. But I digress....

Tomorrow I'm off to the Salton Sea, pictures to follow, etc. Have a good one!

I'm In Love With Everybody's Girl

I saw a bumper sticker today that said "Birders Pish Outside". This is funny for a variety of reasons. First of all, it is unusual that a birdwatcher is even capable at making a stab at humor. Then there is the fact that nonbirders could not possibly understand what this means. For the uninititiated, "pishing" is a term for making a variety of spitty, loud shushing sounds that, if you are extremely lucky, sound weird enough for a songbird to actually come out of hiding to take a look at you. But usually we just end up making weird noises at a bush and nothing happens. At any rate, this is an inside joke. It is a basic acknowledgement that ~99% of the people who read your sticker have no clue what you are talking about, but may construe that birdwatchers have a bizarre fascination with urine.....which is the last part of the joke. Jokes about taking a piss do have the potential to rouse some humor in people, and yes it is probably true that die-hard birders probably urinate/deficate in The Great Outdoors more than the average person. What are we left with? The first attempt at a humorous birdwatching sticker I have ever seen. Remember the "Caution, Frequent Stops: We're Birdwatchers!" sticker? How embarrassing.

Ok, enough for now. Im goin' pishin'.

Shallow, At Best

"You cannot escape your destiny." - Darth Vader

Today I found another birding related blog (yes.....there is apparently more than one) that claimed it existed "To show the world that you can be a birder without being a geek." I can sympathize with this statement, but......

This is wrong.

Birding is one of the nerdiest activities invented since the word "activities" was invented. It doesnt get much worse unless you spend your free time solving complicated math equations or locked in a dark basement playing D&D, or some other soul-killing bullshit. If you think you can be involved with this with any air of cool, youre wrong. Birdwatching is about as chic as snorting rock salt. I dont care if youre looking at albatross of the deck of a fucking aircraft carrier, it is what it is.

I am not about to launch into some massive screed about the dozens off ways in which birders publicly embarass themselves...........no, it is simply too much. I will say this however........if you have any stereotypes and preconceived notions about birdwatchers.......I can tell you now, they are all true.

Very are rarely stereotypes 100% accurate.....but I will address a few basic ones, for your edification.

1) Birders are old as hell: True. Plain and simple.

2) Birds have ridiculous names that make people who talk about them sound like idiots: True. "OOOH! Look! A Yellow-bellied Sapscuker! Its on that maple tree below the Great-crested Flycatcher!".

3) Birders dress funny: Good god yes. Khaki, vests, floppy hats, pockets all over the place, weird accessories you cannot even begin to imagine.

4) Birdwatchers are straight-laced, law-abiding people: Yes. My grandmother is a birdwatcher, and I like it that way.

5) Birders are NERDS: Push those glasses up your nose, most birdwatchers I know have crippling pyschological and social problems and cannot keep up with mainstream society. They occasionally attempt some pretense of normalcy but this layer is usually shallow, at best.

What the author of the other blog fails to realize is that she must embrace her embarassing way of life. Do not fight it, for you will fail. I have come to be at peace with my odd habits. Its ok. I am a RAGING NERD, but that is not a problem. I think thats why women are attracted to me, which works out fine for everyone. A woman who would rather show flank to some walking toolshed bro is not the woman for me.

Admittedly, I have been accused of being "cool" and even "an intimidating hipster", but these characterizations are false. Thats like calling a Ruby-throated Hummingbird a Lucifer's Hummingbird. It is a gross misidentification. That doesnt mean thats its not way more fun than marathon sessions on the playstation, eating veal, listening to Avenged Sevenfold, getting way too stoned and watching some terrible movie from the eighties while gobbling your roommate's MilkDuds, or even masturbating. Because it is. Its acutally way more fun than doing all those things at once, even if you think any of those things are a good idea*.

Its just a little embarassing, thats all.

*That last activity is not actually a bad idea.